I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
