I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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