Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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