I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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