he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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