We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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