You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize