Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
