you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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