The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
