what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
