found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
