To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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