Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
