Just fell off a train. Bad.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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