I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize