My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag