She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize