...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.