it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing