I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?