Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
