tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
