I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
