my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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