Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
