He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
