I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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