didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
