just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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