You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
