butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That accounts for only three of the penises
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
