I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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