took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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