Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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