Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
