i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
