the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
