He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just invented taco cereal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
