Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
