i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dick very happy bro
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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