well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
