how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hippo gnu deer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
