You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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