I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
