i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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