Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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