Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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