how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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