I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
