what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
