I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She bit a glass in half.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
