Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
