You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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