so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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