Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
