im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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