Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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