i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
