I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
