It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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