So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
then he tried to convert me to islam
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
