and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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