I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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