Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
