we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
