He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
