Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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